As advisors, coaches, and counselors, we play a crucial role in helping students transition from high school to college. This period is marked by significant changes in relationships with family and friends. They are currently vaulting into adulthood
and in some cases moving away from home, there are undoubtedly going to be some points of tension. Here are some key tips to share with your students to help them manage these evolving connections.
Tip 1: Acknowledge the Change
Encourage students to recognize and openly discuss the changes in their relationships. Suggest they have honest and tactful conversations with family and friends about their feelings and the new dynamics. Provide them with phrases to use, such as:
“I’m feeling a bit disconnected lately. Can we talk about what’s been going on?”
“I know our relationship will change, but I hope we can still stay connected. How do you feel about this?”
“Maintaining our connection is important to me, but I also need to build new ones here.”
“I need some space and privacy right now. Can we discuss how to manage this?”
These conversations will likely test everyone involved to interpret their own feelings. Remind students that interpreting feelings is a skill that few people have mastered. The students may need to enter these conversations with more patience and grace
than normal to get a healthy result.
Tip 2: Set Clear Boundaries
Advise students on the importance of setting boundaries with family members who may struggle with their need for independence and privacy. This may be particularly difficult if the student is still living at home while attending college, or if their family
is helping to pay for school and feels entitled to information about classes, grades, and plans. Encourage them to:
Discuss and agree on what decisions family members will be involved in and which they will handle independently.
Establish rules and responsibilities if they are living at home while attending college.
Revisit and adjust these boundaries periodically as needed.
For students with family members who rely on them for emotional support, suggest they seek guidance from the campus counseling department, especially before returning home for breaks. Remind the students that tact is useful in setting boundaries because
the next four years are not guaranteed to be smooth sailing and it’s best to avoid burning bridges on their way out of town.
With friends, remind students to seek a balance in their relationships. Making time to see old friends or even helping a friend in need must first filter past the student’s responsibilities with school and with their personal mental health. Encourage
them to ensure that support is mutual and to reach out to a counselor, resident advisor, or close friend if they feel overwhelmed.
Tip 3: Allow Yourself to Mourn
Homesickness is a form of mourning: we grieve for the loss of the familiar places, people, and connections left behind. When our relationships change - and even, strangely, when they change for the better - we can feel sad to lose what we knew for so
long. Tell students it’s okay to grieve the loss of familiar connections and places. They should:
Acknowledge and give themselves permission to feel this loss.
Mark the transition by creating a scrapbook, playlist, or piece of art.
Engage in new activities, like signing up for a race or planning a future trip.
Remember there are virtual ways they can stay connected to the people they are missing: for example, a regularly scheduled FaceTime or Zoom call with home friends. But then, they must push to spend the same amount of time finding ways to make new connections
on and around campus: joining a club, hanging out with people who live in their hall or apartment building, or attending a campus event.
Tip 4: Embrace Happiness
Reassure students that it’s normal for this time to be both stressful and exciting. Life will be bumpy, as they figure out how to reimagine some relationships, let go of others, and create new ones. Encourage them to:
Be honest and kind in their relationships with family and friends.
Wish for others’ happiness while pursuing their own.
Enjoy the moments of happiness they find during this transition.
Whether your students’ journey with you is ending or beginning, they will need some of your wisdom to navigate these changes this summer. By sharing these tips, you can help them maintain healthy relationships and embrace the new opportunities college
life brings.
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